What the-? What’s going – am I awake? Why is my crotch cold? Oh no, I pissed myself. Jesus, I thought I was done with that. Wait a - hmm, this is sticky. Did I forget that I hid chocolate in the bed or some- OH SHIT. WET DREAM WET DREAM. Okay, don’t panic. Just have to think this out. I’m on my back, so that means none of it have touched the bed. This is strictly an underwear problem. No, wait, my back is wet. Maybe it’s sweat. Ew, not sweat. Okay, what time is it? 3 a.m. Hmmm, maybe I can wash it off the sheets, and by the time I wake up in the morning it’ll be dry and my parents will never know. Does it dry? Tommy says it gets crunchy like a cheeto. Cheetos don’t dry. I should pack cheetos in my lunch tomorrow, they’re delicious. Focus dammit! Alright, first things first, I need to find a place I can hide these underwear, where no one will ever find them. Ever. Outside in behind the bushes in the backyard.
Yes. I’ll just wad them into a ball, and then I’ll throw them there. Okay, here we go. Underwear off, very veeeeery quietly lifting my body out of bed and shit! My bed creaked! Lie back in bed still! Lie back in bed still! Holy shit that was close. My parents easily could have heard my bed slightly creak from down the hall. Okay, let’s try this again. Slowly out of bed, light on the toes, light on the toes. Geeeeently open my door, remember not to breath loud. Down the hall, and yes, to the back door. Wait, did I hear something? Was that coming from my parents room? Shit! It’s gone now. I’m just hearing things. Man, it’s dark in the back yard. I’m not going out there. I could be killed by several things out there.
Okay, in one motion, I’m going to take my underwear off, open the back door, and then hurl the underwear out there, then close the door. If I pull this off, holy shit. This will be something else. On the count of three. One, two, three! Underwear off, back door open and – OH FUCK IT’S DAD HE WASN”T ASLEEP. This is very very awkward.
http://www.holytaco.com/
No hay comentarios:
Publicar un comentario